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Because it’s simple and easy.
Look forward to hearing it, look forward to saying it.
A “no” peaceably said is a blessing, a spell to undo every bad spell.
You just didn’t know it until now.
Time to change that.
If you’re not braindead, you must have experienced the fear of being rejected, and the suffering of rejection inflicted upon you. (If you haven’t, please hit REPLY and share your story because the rest of us would love to hear it. Seriously.)
People who don’t learn to handle being rejected set themselves up for a lifetime of misery. This much should be obvious. And most people never get to the successful conclusion of that learning.
Here’s what few realize.
Most people aren’t just afraid of being rejected, they also fear rejecting.
It’s the yin to the yang.
To master rejection, you must be Aware of both sides of that coin. Most keep struggling with fear of being rejected because they never overcome their fear of rejecting.
The tentative, fractured, soydom culture programs you to avoid conflict and saying “no” directly at all costs. Lest someone gets offended.
The personal mentality behind the fear of rejecting people is even worse.
> You fear rejecting because you fear judgement by others – or yourself.
> You fear that if you reject you’ll lose the precious validation you get from society and your followers on Instacrap. Or you fear that your rejection will be a personal misstep and you’ll lose your own validation.
> You fear that if you reject bad offers and toxic behaviors you won’t be able to “save the relationship”.
> You fear that if you reject helping people who self-sabotage you might be selfish.
I can go on forever. The pile of noxious rationalizations for fear of rejecting reaches to the heavens.
The point is this.
Until you grow the spine to reject things you don’t want in your life, you’ll never have the spine to handle rejection by others – with a smile and a thank. You will keep projecting and injecting the same mindless rationalizations.
Fear of rejection – both the yin and the yang – boils down to fear of making a fracking decision for once, and taking responsibility for your own destiny.
If you make the choice deliberately, if you DECIDE, if you take responsibility, you set yourself up to win even if you “make a mistake”.
Because you’re adopting a mental dynamic where you lead through action-decision, not react to circumstance. If the response of the environment isn’t what you want, you’re already primed to lead events in a different direction.
If you let time make your choice for you, if you lo-awarenes-choose to be indecisive, if you don’t take responsibility, you set yourself up to be a loser regardless of the outcome.
Because you put yourself in the position of a passive receptacle, a victim of conditions, someone who isn’t prepared to adjust course and shape events because has no drive or course in the first place.
The experience of rejection is entirely under your control, and you should welcome it instead of shunning it.
People don’t suffer from rejection, but from attachment to their fantasies and expectations about the outcome. Stop attaching to the outcome and focus on your actions. See rejection “as is”, without judgement and expectation.
Rejection is acknowledgement of your approach, attempt, aspiration. It changes nothing except it’s a point of reference and a source of energy to persevere and improve.
PAY ATTENTION: rejection is a source of energy to persevere and improve.
To learn to handle rejection with energy and grace, learn to reject people first – with the mentality that your rejection is an invitation for them to improve their value proposition.
People have to EARN a place in your life, a slice of your time, a piece of your attention.
Internalize deeply that no-one is entitled to you, and it will be that much easier for you to internalize the reverse – that you’re not entitled to anybody else’s money, respect or energy.
Raise your value proposition by challenging others to raise theirs.
To raise your value, you have to take the garbage out first – zero tolerance for toxic people and toxic behaviors in your life, no petty distractions, zero tolerance for insecurities and passive-aggressiveness, zero tolerance for anyone who sets you back intentionally or unintentionally.
Reject, reject, reject.
Reject even things that are just OK.
Because you have priorities, too.
Do this consistently and you will see almost-immediate improvement in your energy level and your success, whatever “success” might mean to you.
Rejecting for the sake of rejection doesn’t make you strong or selective. It makes you an inauthentic flake. Flakes are weak. No-one likes them.
Reject as an everyday matter of course as you abide by your standards, not as some big-deal event. Give people avenues to improve if they haven’t earned a lifetime block. Be firm, but kind and gracious in your rejections.
When you approach people with anything – from a party invitation to a business offer, – look forward to being rejected and getting the most out of the response instead of obsessing about it.
See every rejection as an opportunity.
Because that’s exactly what it is.
Rejection is opportunity.
And a ladder that scales the heavens.
> When you get rejected for a job, you have an opportunity to get the hiring manager to network for you. Ask him to send your resume to someone who might have better use of your skillset. Call back and get feedback on your interview. Ask to get a callback if another positions is open.
> When you get rejected by a woman, that’s an opportunity to ask for introductions to her friends. Invite her and her boyfriend to your party to expand your network. Be kind and gracious to build up your reputation. Use the rejection as fuel to get in better shape and make more money.
> When you get rejected by an investor, you have an opportunity to get feedback and ask for references. You also have the investor’s contact information, so you can immediately start working on your next pitch. Keep in touch an update people on your progress. Share insights from your work and ask for advice. Soon the “no” will turn into valuable leads or $$$ funding in your bank account.
It’s this fracking simple.
Every rejection is an opportunity to make a connection with someone.
If you play it right, with basic grace and kindness – no neediness!, no infantile entitlement!
And that’s the absolute minimum you can get from a rejection.
Ask and you shall be given – first something else, then maybe even what you wanted in the first place.
Forget expectations and wishful thinking, and get to work on your Vision.
You will not stop at rejection because you know what you want. You will get rejected because you won’t stop until you get what you want.
If you’re not getting rejected:
- you’re slacking off
- you’re not going at it hard enough
- you’re shortchanging yourself
- you’re not setting your aspirations high enough.
Simple, and soon – easy.