Western society has gone infantile.
Because the political correctness of pain-avoidance, denial and coddling.
No growth is without pain. But there is pain aplenty without growth.
To become a man, you must let the boy die.
To become a woman, you must let the girl die.
Or stay stuck, unhappy, weak, undeveloped, incomplete, gripped by fear.
Adulthood is about accepting that you have to make your own world.
Not your parents.
Not your employer.
Not the government.
Not “the culture”.
Not the economy.
Not your teachers.
Not your tribe.
Not your beloved.
It has to be You.
1. Stop fracking complaining.
Children complain to get attention from their parents. They draw attention to get fed, cleaned, kept safe. It’s an essential survival mechanism.
Adults take care of their own needs.
Don’t even complain at a restaurant. Tell them what’s wrong with your food or service. Then tell them what to do to give you the right experience.
This applies to everything in adult life. Move people to the action you want, not to apologies or conflict.
2. Stop looking for validation.
Children look up for to their parents to learn quickly the basics of life without getting killed or injured. They don’t need to reinvent the wheel.
But guess what – no-one else can make your ideal life for you. You have to invent it yourself.
Every minute spent looking for agreement or disagreement is a minute wasted for action you can take to get what You want.
Understand that other people are not you. If you define yourself through others, you condemn yourself to a life of misery.
3. Stop looking for explanations and excuses.
Children do because their biological priority is to save energy and avoid punishment. To survive.
Adults take action. They don’t become couch-bound fat failures stuck in their parent’s basement.
What happened to you only matters if you can learn from it.
So deal with it.
Welcome the pain. Learn from the pain. Don’t dwell on the pain. Don’t identify with the pain.
Unless your ideal life is that of a victim or martyr – an abdication of life itself.
4. Stop the blame game.
Whodunnits don’t fly in adult life. You take responsibility for your well-being. When people are affecting you negatively, cut them out of your life.
Don’t look at the intentions, look at the results.
5. Stop fault-finding.
Understand that most other people aren’t mind-readers, and don’t owe you anything anyway. They have their priorities, their families, their lives to look after.
People change and you can change them, but they have no obligation to suit your convenience.
So many times in life I’ve offered people great opportunities, only to be told all the ways they weren’t perfect and wouldn’t work.
Adults find opportunity everywhere and make it fit their needs. They adapt, negotiate, grow, improve. No handouts.
6. Stop tolerating.
Children have to tolerate whatever parents inflict on them. It’s a price they pay.
The weak tolerate the powerful, not the other way around.
Adulthood is fundamentally heroic. Adults happen to the world, and shape it to their liking.
Tolerance is not a virtue any more than cowardice. People tolerate to avoid conflict, effort, uncertainty.
Tolerance is not a virtue any more than laziness. People tolerate to avoid so little as communicating their distaste for what is.
7. Stop being a coward about wanting things.
Children don’t know what they want beyond basic food and shelter. They obsess over a toy today, only to forget it tomorrow.
Adults take risks to figure out what they want from life. And find out only after paying the price of pain.
If you WANT something, you’re willing to pay whatever it takes to get it. And you don’t apologize for it.
What price are you willing to pay?
You will only know after you take painful action. Nothing of lasting value comes without a price.
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